I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
