the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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