census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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