Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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