sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
