Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
