Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
