So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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