I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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