She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
