Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
