yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
accomplished twins. life is a go
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
