it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
