Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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