i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
