When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
