I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
