I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
