Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
