That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
