Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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