Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
