My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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