i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
