PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
