After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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