I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
