P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
