These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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