Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize