If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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