He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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