I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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