tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize