I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
