Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
