If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
