Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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