piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
