Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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