I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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