There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
