yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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