So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
