so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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