Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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