The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
