It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
