I just made out with a guy for $7.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
