hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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