Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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