i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
