used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
