We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
