We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
