tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
