just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
