drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
