stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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