You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize