i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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