Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
