I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize