Just fell off a train. Bad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
