I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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