She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
