It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
