What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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