first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
