Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
