SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
