dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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