I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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