Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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