Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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