Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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